I Think The Time Is Right To Finally Start My Own Cult Or: Why We Don’t Post After Midnight On A Thursday

In a world full of flat earth truthers, people who think the sun is cold and sports talk radio callers who insist on taking their answers off the air, we are living in a very interesting time. With the internet, one would think humanity as a whole would be getting smarter as the free exchange of ideas and information flow so freely to anyone with an internet connection, but that omits one important factor.  Dumb people now have a way to easily communicate with one another, and like a virus spreading throughout their own personal echo chamber of idiocy, these morons crackpot theories can now be adopted by like minded fools from all corners of the globe.

Now, I do not claim to be a smart man, I actually fall into an intellectual purgatory of sorts where I am not dumb enough to be blissfully ignorant of my shortcomings but I’m also not intelligent enough to be able to do anything about them.  But with a seemingly endless supply of gullible, brain dead simpletons who will go along with any type of nonsense they read on the internet (I’m looking at you, anyone who has ever visited infowars), I’ve decided this is a sellers market and now is the time to finally start a cult.  It’s something we’ve all thought about, like buying a bar with your friends, or renting a share house for the summer, but I think the current climate is just right to venture into this new space.  I haven’t fleshed this out completely, but I figure these people are out there and willing to devote their time and emotional capital to these asinine movements, so why not my asinine movement?   This may have started as a joke with a friend but the more I think about it I really may be onto something.  I could even be doing the world a public service by keeping these dummies from polluting other impressionable idiots brains with nonsense and maybe I could get my laundry done or dog walked in the process (its possible I don’t know what cults are for).  Anyways, this seems like a better use of their time than arguing with people who posses functioning brains about doctored pictures from NASA or how jet fuel cant melt steel beams, but what do I know.  I guess this means I have to come up with a catchy name, find some land for a compound and pick up some sweet ass jumpsuits.  Probably grow my hair out too, go for a kind of Jesus vibe, thats worked before to some fairly sizable successes.  It’s still in the planning stages really, but I think we’ve made some headway here.  Good work everyone, same time tomorrrow.

@BastardHans on Twitter

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