So Ive kind of been slacking on my posts lately. If I keep this up I will only have GoT stuff and thats territory I am not ready to venture into so I’ll have to step my game up. With that bit of house keeping, lets get into it.
We jump right into what the episode is named for. Dany, hanging out at Dragonstone with her minions plotting their next move during a storm. First, we get a bit of loose end tying up with Dany grilling Varys about that whole trying to poison her thing way back when and eventually letting him off the hook but not before threatening to burn him alive if he ever betrays her because, Targaryan. Good old Melisandre shows up as well after her long trip from the North to drop some Valarian and hot prophecy talk on the would be queen. We also get a little clarification on the whole Prince/Princess bit. Those Valarians were apparently a very progressive bunch. She also informs her of Jon Snow and his current situation at Winterfell.
Next we check in with Jon, Sansa and that whole crew as they receive the fastest raven of all time carrying a message from the new King of the North’s Aunt. Sansa proposes the possibility of it being a trap because she’s broken inside and they both reminisce about their time with Tyrion and his loveliness. Davos of course chimes in with way too sound logic about how dragons breathe fire and fire kills wights. They ponder silently.
Quick jump to Kings Landing where Cersei is doing her best pump up speech to the remaining undeclared houses of the South. She gives them a lot of half truths and a dusting of xenophobia that sound pretty good out of context. Sam’s dickhead of a father is there too. He also brought his son Dickon (lol, thanks George). Jamie lays it on pretty thick and its left a little ambiguous but it seemed like he convinced Lord Tarley to join them. Who wouldn’t want to be Warden of the South, whatever the fuck that means. It would make sense that he would join Cersei because, as mentioned before, he’s a dickhead, and also the Lannisters are comically outnumbered and it won’t be much of a war without evening the odds a little bit. It should also be noted that Lord Tarley is a Tyrell bannerman so if he is changing sides how many others may follow and what type of shape does that put the Tyrell army in? More on this later. We also get a nice little scene were the good Maester unveils his anti dragon artillery. Its just a giant crossbow which honestly doesn’t do much for me. Pretty weak way to take out a dragon and the fact that they had this scene leads me to believe it will. So while that sucks I guess it goes along with my thoughts on prolonging this story. Hard to do when you have flying fire breathing killing machines on your side so I guess they had to do something.
Back to Dragonstone, they fairly quickly address the fact that they have the superior numbers and could easily take the country by force but instead have other ideas. I was wondering how they would get around this because Ms. Stormborn clearly has the superior numbers but the quick victory she could enjoy wouldn’t be much of a story to tell. We don’t have a ton of time left with about 10 episodes remaining, but that’s still a good number of hours to get through. Wrapping up her war with Cersei by midseason just wouldn’t be all that satisfying. So the plan is laid out to use the native Westorosi houses, the Martells and the Tyrells, to lay siege to Kings Landing while the Unsullied make their way to Tyrions ancestral home of Casterly Rock. The proclamation is made that she does not want to be ‘Queen of the ashes’ which is catchy enough. I buy it. There is some squabbling between them but Dany lays down the hammer and puts a fairly quick end to that. The scene ends with the crusty old Tyrell broad telling her Queen to ‘be a dragon’ which is the Westeros version of #dbap.
Then we get a way too long sex scene involving a eunic that I don’t really have much to say about. It happened. It went on forever. I’m still a little confused by how it worked. Oh well.
We get some time at the Citadel next. This happens in two scenes but they are fairly quick so ill just combine them. The first is of Jorah being told he’s fucked and they imply he will be put out of his misery the next day. Sam tries to convince the head honcho to try and cure him but he’s not having it. Instead, Sam takes matters into his own hands and attempts it himself. Its not super scientific, he just gets him drunk then cuts the infected areas off. Something about applying an ointment or something is said as well but whatever its a made up bullshit cure for a makeup disease i won’t pick knits. This gets pretty gross and looks very painful. The things he will do for love.
After that bit of bullshit, we have the triumphant return of everyones favorite chubby virgin, Hot Pie! He somehow looks fatter and more virginier but he plays a nice little part in redirecting Arya’s storyline. I figured this had to happen because with her newfound skills, killing Cersei would not have been that difficult. He informs her of Jon’s new position and she decides to go North instead. I hope this is the last we see of that chunky baker but thats only because if he shows up again I have to think it will be to die or just already dead. Long live Hot Pie.
Back at Winterfell, Jon finally receives that raven from Sam about whats lying beneath Dragonstone. This is enough for Jon to decide the risk is worth it and he will travel to meet his unknown family. No one is happy with this decision. There are a few speeches and Jon plays his, ‘no one has seen the army of the dead but me’ card and ends it with putting Sansa in charge. She was originally very against him leaving but the offer of power seems to warm her to the idea as she quickly stops objecting. Unclear if thats because she wants the north for herself or it was just a good point from the bastard but either way it is decided. Then we have a fun moment in the crypts below the castle where Jon makes Little Finger his bitch. Chokes him out and does the stay away from my sister routine. Neither leaves pleased. Then, Jon and Davos ride out while everyone looks on ominously.
Thought that would be the end of Arya for the episode but not so. She is attempting to keep warm by a fire when something spooks her horse. Not to worry, its only her old pal Nymeria. She struts in like a boss with her own pack of wolves. Arya eventually recognizes her and you think they are about to have a moment as she asks her to come home with her. The dire wolf recognizes her but isn’t having any of that. Some birds weren’t meant to be caged, or something.
Now, we get to the least interesting main players still remaining, the Martells and the Greyjoys. There is some lesbian flirtations but they are quickly cut short by a surprise attack by that Euron guy who I guess we are all supposed to care about and be afraid of after about 10 minutes of total screen time. A fight ensues. Let it be known, I give zero fucks about anyone fighting in this battle. I was honestly rooting for both sides to lose. I didn’t quite get my wish but by the end two sand snakes were dead, Yara, Ellaria and another sand snake were captured and Theon got PTSD and went back to Reek. My only joy came from correctly predicting that the gift Euron would bring to Cersei was Yara and Ellaria so i guess, yay? Anyways, I guess storywise this is important because now Dany has lost a good chunk of her fleet, has no way to get the Dornish army quickly north to attack Kings Landing and may have lost them all together as an ally considering we have no idea who will take over in Ellaria’s absence. This, combined with the precarious situation regarding the Tyrell forces could all really throw a wrench into that whole Kings Landing siege idea. Anyways, glad to rid the show of some uninteresting characters though, so theres that.
That about wraps it up. It wasn’t a bad episode because any episode where they don’t go to Dorne is at least a C+ but I honestly did not give a shit about much of what happened. I do, however, realize that all of this was necessary to get us to where we all want to go so I am cool with it. Hopefully we get an attack on the Rock next week and finally get to see Jon and Dany in the same room. Now thats something to look forward to.