Weekly TL;DR – GoT Is Coming

*This will be a place where weekly, or more likely anytime I feel like it, I will post about random things such as movies, TV or various other things that may or may not become long winded.  You’ve been warned.

I, like many others, have an unhealthy relationship with a television show.  I often find myself wishing time away in order to get to new seasons or episodes.  This is an insane practice and  I’m aware of that, but I do it anyways.  It can’t be helped, so I’ve decided to embrace it.

Note: I’m only one paragraph in and I can already feel myself not getting laid, but I’m powering through.

Note: I’m only one paragraph in and I can already feel myself not getting laid but I’m powering through.

The television show in question is HBO’s Game of Thrones and it comes back in less than two weeks.  It’s been over a year since the incredibly satisfying season 6 finale and I am very ready to see where we go from here.  Lets recap what got us here:

Everyone is dead.

Well, almost.  The episode prior to the finale was the Battle of the Bastards.  In terms of spectacle and satisfaction I did not expect to see that topped, especially not in the proceeding week.  However, it only took the first few minutes of The Winds of Winter to do so and subsequently remind us that Cersei is still not to be fucked with.  She is facing a trial in full view of her enemies and the people of King’s Landing, in which she is to answer for her crimes.  A trial that she is setup to lose.   Facing certain conviction, and whatever penalties may come with that, she engineered a comeback that made the whole 28-3 debacle look like a well executed game plan.  In one Hail Mary of a move, she managed to kill numerous enemies and remove a bunch main characters from the board.  Her wildfire induced theistic inferno snuffed out the current queen, the queen’s melodious father and already broken brother, her own uncle Kevan with-an-A, and former fuck boi cousin Lancel, not to mention the high sparrow and countless nameless faces in the crowd and adjacent areas.  As if that wasn’t enough, the ensuing untenable grief in the aftermath of this gambit compels her only remaining child, the king, to attempt the world’s worst trust fall.

She also has that dirty old fuck, Maester Pycelle, shanked by children (I wonder if that poor prostitute he was with prior ever got paid? I think about this a lot).  Just carnage on carnage on carnage.  With all the death and explosions, it’s worth noting that the entire sequence is just fucking great.  The way the music builds slowly,  the look on the people’s faces when they realize something is wrong, and the urgency in Margaery’s voice when she is the first person to truly get it.  It’s just a delight through and through, well, at least as much as mass murder by way of giant fireball can be, I suppose.  All of this mayhem culminates later in the episode with Jamie returning from the Riverlands and finding his sister sitting on the iron throne with a face that doesn’t exactly instill confidence in the viewer that he will be completely on board with this new regime change.

Next, we get a decidedly more low-key look at Sam, Gilly and Little Sam arriving at the citadel.  Sam gets his first look at the massive library, and if you listen close enough you can actually hear him climax.  Dude fucks.

Back at Winterfell, Jon, after his victory over Ramsay Bolton in the prior episode, is sulking again because emo Jon is the best Jon.  As he commiserates with Melisandre, the Onion Knight comes in and finally plays his Stag Card, calling her out for burning little Scarface alive.  She does not deny this, and Jon sends her away with the threat of hanging if she ever returns.  Seems fair after she brought him back from the dead and all, but also lighting children on fire to appease a god is totally a dick move.  Surely won’t be the last we see of her.

Sansa and Jon then have a nice moment together about trust and enemies that ends with Sansa proclaiming “winter is here”.  The Starks really love winter.

Lady Tyrell shows up in Dorne, and even that crusty old wordsmith can’t make that place interesting.  Seriously, fuck Dorne.  They fashion an alliance based on vengeance and our old friend the spider shows up just incase it was unclear who they would be aligning with to obtain said vengeance.

Dany dumps Dario.  She doesn’t seem to be bothered.  She terrifies me, so obviously I am in love with her.  After some Slavers Bay rebranding, she has a surprisingly moving moment with Tyrion where they wax for a bit and she eventually names him Hand of the Queen.  Made me feel stuff.  Did I mention I love her?

We then find out what Arya has been up to after leaving Bravos and it couldn’t be more satisfying if it were wrapped in bacon.  She has made her way to the Twins to cross another name off her list, but first she has indulged in some culinary based retribution, feeding Walder Frey a pie made with his murdered sons.  My theory is that she came upon this recipe from a long off-screen pen pal correspondence with Hot Pie, as we saw that fat chatty virgin clearly had a thing for her that went beyond wolf themed pastries. But it’s only a theory.

The next moment we get is one that those asshole book readers have never stopped talking about.  I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed the reveal coming in the show before that old mother fucker finally got to it, just really delightful stuff.   Of course, I am talking about a return to the Tower of Joy, but this time that wet blanket of a three eyed raven isn’t around to send us to bed early.  Bran makes his way up the stairs this time and it is confirmed that Jon Snow is not, in fact, Ned Stark’s bastard, but his sister Lyanna’s child with one Rhaegar Targaryen.  

This scene dovetails nicely into another great moment with Jon and Sansa holding court at Winterfell.  We get a return of the Lady of Bear Island in all her glory, calling all these old pricks out for not fighting when called.  She is just a beacon of satisfaction every time she graces our screens, and I hope we get more of her going forward even if it doesn’t seem necessary plot-wise.  This all culminates in a “King of the North!” part two, and while calling Jon the White Wolf feels semi culturally appropriating considering the whole Young Wolf thing, I think I can look past it and just enjoy the moment.  It is not all sunshine and North King talk, though, and we see that snake Little Finger giving Sansa a ‘look,’ putting a little damper on an otherwise fun moment.

The episode ends with Dany finally getting her army to sea and on their way to their much anticipated Westerosi Tour.  We see sails with sigel’s for House Targaryen, House Martel, House Tyrell and House Greyjoy (the Ringo of the group, easily).  They are accompanied by her dragons, and we are left with all the feelings and thoughts of the war to come.

This was one of my favorite hours of television, not just from this series, but of all TV ever.  Not only was it paced and scored so perfectly but shit actually happened!  We got so many satisfying moments on a show that often can be a slow burn.  It was the perfect way to end the season and a high bar was set for the next one.  I’ll be posting my predictions here before the premiere but until then…

I cannot wait.  Let’s fucking go.




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